powerful pancakes...

Yesterday morning, at approximately 5:13 AM my phone rang. In my foggy, confused state I leaped out of bed, turned on the light, made my bed and answered the phone. I was probably reaching for my jeans when I realized that it was my dad calling from Dubai. I had that terrible feeling that I had woken up hours late for something and someone was calling to ask me where I was. I was so relieved to realize it was my dad's voice on the other end. I miss him so much but it is good to know he arrived safe and sound. I don't remember anything from our conversation except that he remembered that it was super early here... we said I love you and I collapsed back into bed and fell into a much more restful slumber than before. I love my Daddy.

Yesterday was my second class in my creative writing course. We had to bring in enough copies of our first writing assignment for everyone. I had it finished and printed out and when we began reading a couple of the others out loud I began to realize I had hit the mark of telling a humiliating story about my life but I had absolutely no humor to balance it out. The 4 essays that were read out loud, all of them included some kind of humor... and they were more like embarrassing moments, not humiliation... I was relieved that I wouldn't have to read mine out loud in front of the class, but they do have a copy of it to read on their own. I am nervous for my teacher to return mine to me next week all marked up and with a frowny face sticker.

After class I came back to the apartment and while Peri was getting ready to go I read the other papers that I brought home. To my amazement I hadn't crashed and burned as horribly as I thought. I might even have fallen in the middle ground somewhere... how did that happen? My brain already hurts... I clearly need this mental exercise. And it is quite shocking to me that I might not be the last one to cross the finish line.

When Peri and I were ready, we walked down to Mark's flat for Sam's (one of mark's flatmates) Pancake Party. I never say no to pancakes, if I can help it, and these were really good pancakes. When we arrived in front of the little apartment building I realized that because I keep forgetting to top up my cell phone, we were unable to call anyone inside to alert them to the fact that we needed letting in. I found a little rock on the street and backed up until I could see people in the window. Mark was standing right next to one. Perfect. I brought my arm back and totally chickened out before I tossed it. Instead I opted for jumping up and down and whisper yelling Mark's name. It worked. I was impressed by how many people they managed to fit in their living area and the compactness of it all made for some great conversation with some new faces, all of which were enjoying delicious pancakes with all sorts of new and mysterious toppings. They had run out of maple syrup before Peri and I arrived but they had nutella, jams, and golden sugary stuff... I chose lemon juice and sugar, crepe style, and I was not disappointed.

Sam had this as a fundraiser for the Tearfund. Mark explained that it is a charity/ organization that works with local churches around the world to help local communities. (something like that) And lemme tell you, it was a great idea.

So, after an exhausting but fun day Peri, Katy (who showed up for pancakes) and I came home for some sweet deep sleep. Have I mentioned on here how much I love sleeping? It is such a wonderful way to spend the night... with your pillows all in the perfect spot and your body totally relaxed after a long day full of tension. mmmmmm yeah...

Dad- Dublin to Dubai...

I just got back from dropping my dad off at Dublin Airport... I hate goodbyes.
This terrible lump in my throat and this sadness is not something that I want to never feel again. It shows me just how blessed I am to have so much love in my family... it hurts us so much to be far away and across oceans from each other and in some kind of backwards way I am terribly thankful for it. I am realizing that I will forever be my parents child... their baby, and I never want that to change.

I cried the whole bus ride back to the city center and then more on my way to my apartment. People stared. I didn't care. I have just said goodbye to my Daddy and I don't know when I will get to see him again. I have every right to cry. I miss him so much already. I have felt homesick before but I didn't realize just how much more it was possible to miss my family or how much I already did. Seeing my Dad has stirred some of this up in my heart and mind... It is so backward the way that works sometimes. And here I am using up all of the tissues I bought to last over the next month. I'm a messy crier. I use a lot of tissues.

I love my Dad.

I love my Dad.

Friday morning my dad arrived in Dublin for a long weekend visit. It is so great that we get these few days to hang out before he goes to Dubai. I have really and truly missed hanging out with my Dad. He is one of the few people on this earth that can really understand me without some sort of explanation... sometimes it seems he knows me better than I do myself. He understands my jokes and laughs, in a way that only he can. He has his "dad laugh" with smiling eyes that are so much like a safety blanket from my childhood that I will never give up. I love my dad and it seems that I have been missing him much more than I thought.

>=/

Right now I hate facebook. With a fiery burning passion. the end.

Creative Writing...

Last night I began a creative writing class in the Irish Writers Center, which happens to be only a few doors down from my apartment. Very convenient. I am going to be honest. I am super nervous. I like knowing, now, what I am getting myself into, but it is still very intimidating. The teacher is an American and there are several other Americans in my class of 18ish. Not what I had expected or really wished for but it is what it is and the class is already paid for. No turning back. I am very excited for this chance to exercise the squishy gray stuff inside my skull, and believe you me, it is going to quite the workout. I have several reading assignments as well as a writing assignment already and it involves a memory of our own (simple, right? wrong.)... I have a terrible memory and so, unavoidably, I am already going nuts.

So if you will excuse this super short post, I am going to go sift through my brain for a legit memory... I wish I could plug my external hard drive into my head... just kidding... I don't, really. But that doesn't mean I don't need to.

Grape Nuts and Chickin Scarpariello

It seems that I may be recovering/past the worst of this illness, whatever it might have been from this weekend. I sure hope so...

But I still have this nagging homesickness that I will never get used to. In all of my time at L'Abri in Switzerland I felt, maybe, a total of 25 minutes in feeling homesick. I'm serious! And that was kinda spread out, 5 minutes here, 10 there... but the life I am living here in Dublin is so drastically different from L'Abri that I shouldn't be taken by surprise with this overwhelming longing for home. In the past few days I have been craving foods that you can only get in the US or recipes that ONLY my mom makes right. Grape Nuts and Chicken Scarpariello... yeah. There is also the FEEL of home. It's like that warm safety blanket while watching a scary movie. At the super creepy parts you get your feet off the floor and you pull your knees up close to yourself underneath the blanket. It doesn't matter what is playing, you are wrapped in your blanket, nothing can touch you. But sooner or later you are gonna have to stick your legs out again and walk up to bed. And sometimes it's going to be dark...

I wish I wasn't so gloomy right now. The sun is actually shining right through my curtians and I have the window cracked, it feels so nice outside... It may even feel like spring... but it is too soon for that. But the air feels so wonderful that I am willing to deal with the obnoxious city ruckus to have the breeze in my room.

Anyway... I am now getting super distracted by a million little things floating around in my brain as well as a million little things I have to do today...

Goodbye forever.

So. I am out of commission again... I hate how I keep getting sick. This time is the worst of all... my nose, my throat, a bit of my stomach, even my eyes... and headaches too. Sorry to whine on here but I am just plain miserable... I came here to be a help and to be of service to these people here at Abbey Church. Since I continue to get sick I am anything but that. I cannot be a help to anyone when I could very well get them super sick. I hate this illness, whatever it is. I am really hoping it is a 48 hour fluey thing... I don't know. A girl can hope, right?

But see, I have a predicament. Someone close to me here says that I really should go to the doctor tomorrow... I cannot tell you how much I don't want to go to the doctor. I want to get better so badly but can't I do that without going to a doctor? If I broke my leg, sure I would go. If I suddenly went blind, sure I would go. But this? I don't think I have ever gone to a doctor for a sore throat, fever, headache, or nose... and I keep getting this stupid thought that going to a doctor in Ireland will somehow be different than going to the doctor in the States.

I suppose I am kinda scared... not about being ill but about this particular new experience... I wasn't really scared at all when I got on the plane to fly over here (but now that I have been watching Lost that might be a bit different next time) and I haven't really felt fear since I came here (besides the creepy feelings when walking up to my apartment all by myself at night)... But I am afraid of doing something so simple as going to see a medical professional. Silly I know, but that doesn't change how I feel.